How to know if the Japanese guy is interested in me?
Those of you who have read my Kindle ebooks An American Introduction of a Japanese Man and Ando’s Girl will find the story below familiar.
Karen writes, “I passed a card to a Japanese man whom I don’t know him at all. It was purely a greeting card with a romantic message with no contact and no name indicated. After the card incident, somehow or rather I can feel that he is hiding from me whenever I am at the smoking area, where we run into each other occasionally because we seem to work in one of the many buildings in the area and there is a designated smoking area. This makes me feel very embarrassed and I don’t know how to react so I acted cool in front of him and continued to act as a stranger. After a month, everything is back to normal. He didn’t hide himself behind the tree or stand at a corner anymore. We began to have eye contact but I am too shy so I am always the one who eventually looks away. There was a time when he was with his colleagues smoking. He tends to keep looking at my direction and making kind of funny actions. I was shocked and don’t know how to react and in the end I walked away. We have been having several eye contacts but I don’t have the courage to smile at him. This has been going on for 5 months and my colleagues told me twice they spotted him using his eye slant looking at me. I don’t know what does it means. I asked my lady friends if a guy passed you a card, but if you are not interested, would you keep having eye contact with him? Some said it seems that he is interested but some said looking at the person doesn’t mean anything. I am very confused. I know I messed the whole thing up. My feelings tell me he is giving me hints but I just feel shy, don’t dare to look at him and act very cool in front of him. My close friend told me maybe he is not good at speaking English that is why he never come and approach me or maybe he is shy or maybe there are too many Japanese men there and he feels restricted or he is simply not interested. There are a few times he knows I am avoiding him. I admitted I never show that the kind of look that I am interested and tend to act very normal when he is there. Please help me stop this insanity.”
This is such a funny situation that you two have created that if someone were to make a romantic comedy out of it, viewers will be falling off their chairs.
I think your friends have nailed it. I agree that when you passed that note, you intrigued him and he definitely wants to find out more about you (even I would, though I am married, just to tell you that what you did/said was very interesting but it is just that I am married). There can be many reasons why he has not approached you, and as your friends say, he could be extremely shy (as many Japanese are), or be afraid of his language abilities, or married, or conscious about approaching you, or what may be remotely possible, even thinks that you are weird and he needs to be careful.
Contrary to what you may feel like doing, I suggest that since you already took the first bold step, not to give up. Instead, push it by starting a conversation with him. I am sure that you can find a dozen excuses to start a casual conversation about asking for a lighter, or chatting up about the weather, or whatever would make sense at that specific moment. No, don’t even try to ask him or to even make an impression. You are just trying to start a conversation with someone the way you will have a polite conversation with someone sitting next to you on a plane. For all we know he could be married with half a dozen kids and have no need for you, but by starting a conversation you are trying to find out more and eliminate the discomfort.
