Why is Japanese man not serious about our relationship?
Andrea writes, “I have been dating a Japanese man 6 years older than me for the past 4 months, and I am frustrated over how he is currently acting. We met over the internet and we decided to go on a date since he too lives in London like me. He has only been here for 10 months and plans to stay for 3 years on his expat assignment. We went out for dinner and he expressed an interest in me. Without even knowing each other well, he even asked me to move in with him which I rejected. At the end of the date he tried to get me to come home with him; again I rejected. On the third date he told me he loved me and was hurt when I didn’t reciprocate but did explain to him that I wanted to take things slowly and he agreed. I really like him but it is getting increasing harder for us to spend time together. He works long hours mainly because his English is poor and on the weekends he has to go play golf with senior colleagues or meet friends. When we do meet I can see that he is tired and his time is always limited. I tried to be understanding but I feel he has no time for me. when we are together he is very loving and affectionate, but when we aren’t he comes off as uncaring. Should I be patient or let it go?”
Dating is all about shared goals
It seems to me that this man is not as serious about the relationship as you are. My feeling is that you want a serious, committed, romantic relationship with him but he is more likely interested in just a casual relationship with you. Like hang out with him when he has time but not bother him when he is busy. Most Japanese men do not spend a lot of time with their girlfriends and even wives so it is not unusual for them to treat women like objects for entertainment.
I would also not be surprised if he is married back home and is essentially looking for a mistress for the duration of his stint in England. It is also very obvious that he has no serious interest in falling in love with you because the very first time he met you, he expected you to go to bed with him.
What exactly are you looking for? A really serious relationship that may lead to marriage or just a casual relationship? If you are looking for the former, this is probably not your guy, but if you are fine with the latter, this guy probably has money, so just have fun with him whenever he has time for you.
